Never Scam a Scammer

Written By Trevor Moran on September 22nd, 2009 with No Comments.

Flying sucks. Everyone knows it. Airports are over crowded, employees are underpaid, seats are cramped, and the whole industry is folding. However, as a traveling surfer/photographer flying is a necessary evil that I can not avoid if I want to travel to the far stretches of the Earth to catch rideable waves.

As every surfer/photographer knows, flying sucks worse for us than the average jet-setter. Ding repair kits are confiscated as bombs, fins are potential weapons, and home made water housings – don’t even talk to me about that. But far and away the worst part is the board bag. As soon as you step through the door of the airport, the adventure begins as you drag the bag around clipping people’s heels left and right and attempt the impossible snake through the velvet rope lines. With charges typical of $125 per board each direction, taking boards on a plane can be a costly venture, not to mention if you have to change airlines they charge you again and again. Your boards arrive dinged with rips in the bag, like the baggage handlers decided to tarmac tow-ats before they put your bag on the oversize baggage carousel. Aside from charging for 3 bucks on-board water, the board bag fee is the most bogus scam the airlines ever came up with. So, how do you deal with it? Beat them at their own game – scam them back.

First off, when picking the agent you want to deal with at the ticket counter, follow the rules of survival (the young and tired are easy kills). The ideal board checker is young enough that they don’t take their job as seriously as a lifer, as well as they may be able to empathize with you instead of reaming you with charges. Also, the longer they’ve been on their shift, the less likely they are to deal with a bunch of BS for having to check through the computer system for the right procedure. Steer clear of anyone who: looks like an overachiever; seems like they have all the time in the world; might know the procedure off the top of their head; or is just generally pissy. If one of these people calls on you, turn your head like you didn’t see them and wait until your ideal person is ready for you. You might even want to have to open your duffel bag and pretend to shuffle stuff around and let the people behind you go ahead to deal with the Troll Toll.
Try to be charming but not a sleez-ball. Approach them with courtesy and smile – sort of like you’re on a job interview – complete with the pleases and thank you’s. Everytime I see one of my travel buddies try to butter up the counter girl like she is a shoobie at a late night bar, they get worked on charges. Same with those that are just sarcastic dicks.
If you are a grom, print out the NSSA nationals or easterns entry form. I’ve gotten off on charges multiple times because I went into some long winded story about how I’m taking boards to travel in a scholastic amatuer competition. The more harmless and school-focused you seem, the less likely they are to charge you.
When packing your boards, pack them nose to tail with some sort of covering between each board as well as create a large partition halfway in the bag. This way, when they ask you to open the bag, you can hopefully only show traces of maybe two or three boards rather than the eight that are actually in there.
Some airlines will only charge you extra if your bag is over their 50 pound weight limit. Though some charge you this in addition to your board fees, and most international will nix your bag if its over 32 Kg period. When your board bag is on the scale, try to pretend like your stabilizing it, but really lift as much weight as you can without getting caught. If your hands are straining you’ll get busted, or if the scale is jumpy because you’re not lifting with consistent force. Another strategy is to stand at the counter, but swing your foot under the edge of the back so the agent can’t see. Or, if you have another bag, place that at the base of the scale and try to rest the boards on it. Every pound counts.
When you’re asked how many boards you have, lie. You can risk it by going with “One”, but your bag is a three foot high stack of boards, the safer bet is to go with “Two” or “Three”. If you get caught with the one board lie, bust out “I’m sorry, I thought you were asking how many board bags I have.” Also, say you have longboards, if they are charging you by the board, size doesn’t matter. Actually, most airlines charge you the same whether you have potoato chip boards or literally a kayak.
To reduce weight on your checked bags, pack the hell out of your backpack you bring on board. With my camera gear, my backpack ends up typically weighing about 45 pounds. If the people collecting tickets at the gate notice, you’ll have to check it, but there are ways of getting around it. Use only one shoulder strap as you walk through the line, and keep it on the opposite side of your body than the person who is taking your ticket. Or carry it one handed by your knees to keep it out of view. When lifting it into the overhead compartment, summon your Hulk strength and put it up in one fell swoop. If you bog, it will create a scene which will get you noticed (though most attendants won’t stop you once your on the plane).
Assuming you do get charged, writing a letter to customer service when you get home might get some cash back. Customer Service wasn’t there at the counter so you can make up whatever story you want. Never expect to win a battle with an ticket agent once they start the charging process, you’ll never win there.

There are countless more tips, but this should help. Also, go into it expecting you’re going to get charged hard so you’re not surprised when it does happen. Make sure you have a valid credit card or cash so your travel partners aren’t having to front you cash in Singapore.